A few years ago, the phrase “100%” was everywhere. I heard it in meetings, at school drop off, dinner parties and more than anywhere (not surprisingly)…podcasts and social media. I think it was partially an attempt to infuse at least the feeling of certainty after two years during Covid where everything felt so uncertain. And in a world of hot takes, sound bites and “experts” it was a way for people come across as confident, knowledgeable authorities on whatever aligned with their personal brand or niche.
As well intentioned as some of it probably was, the barrage of advice from people that seemingly had it all figured out made me constantly feel like I was falling behind, that my life wasn’t optimized enough, that I was doing it all wrong.
The problem with “100%” is that there are so few things that are truly 100%. The world is complicated, messy, nuanced and changes every day and I think it’s important to acknowledge that. There’s also science out there that true experts are able to toe a very fine line between having confidence they’ve earned and a humility/curiosity that enables them to adapt, change and grow (in other words, true experts are unlikely to be throwing out phrases like 100%). If you’re into this sort of thing, check out the book The Way of Excellence by Brad Stulberg.
I understand the irony here. My whole business centers around helping women break out of their athleisure rut by rebuilding their wardrobe and wearing real clothes again. I share outfit ideas and styling tips because this had a profound impact on my life and I truly believe it is a habit that will make you feel better (there is science to back this up too). But here’s the thing, I’d never want to put pressure on anyone by making them feel like they are failing if getting dressed just isn’t in the cards right now or if getting dressed every day just doesn’t happen. It took me 3 years after having our babies to wear real clothes again and even now, there are days when I just need clothes to move in or I just want to wear sweats for my Saturday morning coffee run. No matter the change or habit we aspire to, giving ourselves grace along the way is so important. Remove the pressure to be perfect…it’s paralyzing, it’s unrealistic, and it steals what should be a joyful experience of becoming more like our best selves over time.
This year, I started to hear a new phrase entering our collective lexicon: “both can be true” and I love it on so many levels. It is a clear antithesis to “100%”. It acknowledges that everyone has a different lived experience and that tradeoffs are a part of life. I want to be really careful here. I am not suggesting that there are not universal truths and values we should share. What I am suggesting is that the realization of those things could look very different depending on your family situation, your background, your current reality, etc. In fact, the shared value is the most important thing, but how we can get there may look different.
Here are some examples of both can be true:
I want to be ambitious and grow as an individual but I also want to be the best mom I can be to my kids. Both can be true. This could look like a stay at home mom running her household and pursuing her own business or passion project when the kids are at school or it may look like a mom who has a full time job, but prioritizes dinner time at home and fiercely protects weekends to be together. In both cases, the values are personal fulfillment and family and we can cheer for both of them!
I want to be firm so my kids learn boundaries, manners and hard work but I also want them know they are loved. Both can be true. Firmness and kindness can coexist. So can truth (be honest about when they need to do better) and love (give them grace when they fall short).
I want to eat clean and healthy, but I also want to enjoy what I eat. Both can be true. Maybe that means an 80/20 rule or maybe it means eating at home more. Or maybe it means eating real food over processed food but allowing yourself a scoop of ice cream on the weekend.
As it relates to style. There is a very real debate around investing in elevated basics vs. investing in statement pieces. Most people fall strongly into one camp or the other, but you know what I’m going to say…I truly think both can be true. I understand that budget is a limiting factor here. Most people can’t buy great every day items and have a closet full of statement pieces and that’s not my advice. I believe there are some elevated basics worth investing in (a great pair of jeans, a year round sweater, etc.) and there things where you can save the money (a neutral pair of flats, a white tee, etc.). And while some influencers are sharing extremely expensive statement pieces all the time, you’re not going to get that from me…but for a special occasion or a bag that you’ll wear over and over that elevates all of your outfits? Love it!
I know these topics are hard and can be triggering. People have very strong opinions about all of them. The point is not for me to minimize challenges or to over simplify…the point is that we need to give ourselves grace. As long as we are living in accordance to our values, doing our best, getting it right most days, dusting ourselves off when we don’t and getting a little better each day, it’s enough.
You know what I love? I love people that are doing their best. Not people that are trying to tell you they know all the answers. Not pseudo experts, people on soap boxes, or the loudest voices in the room.
I know this is something I don’t typical share but its just something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I want to know you are enough just as you are, but wanting to be better is one of our greatest human qualities.
Both can be true.
xx always, Meg
So much truth to this. Loved this read <3
At work, we often use the phrase "it can be and both," which is basically both can be true. Enjoyed this read.