An August Confession

Why I'm giving myself permission to rest this month

I have a confession to make…I’m tired!

Is it ok to admit that out loud?

It’s such a strange thing for me to say.

As harsh as it sounds, I have an adverse reaction to complaining in all its forms (especially when I’m the one doing the complaining!). The people that I look up to are not complainers, they work hard and keep going! They create beautiful things and are working to make the world a better place.

I am truly living a life beyond my wildest dreams and I understand how blessed I am to have a wonderful family, a job I love, and friends I can count on. I live in a beautiful place. I have two healthy parents and two healthy kids.

That’s why I went back and forth about 100 times on whether or not to hit send on this note.

I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve a break. But I also know deep down, we’re not meant as humans to be on a never ending high speed train of work and over stimulation. And not only should we not feel guilty about resting, we should realize how good deep rest is for us. We are allowed to rest…just to rest…and it’s ok to not feel guilty about it.

What makes it so hard for me is that I’ve been raised to work hard, to push through, to keep going. Before I left my job of 10 years at J. Crew and Madewell to stay home with our babies full time, I had a job since I was 12 (mother’s help, babysitting and busing tables in high school, washing dishes and working in admissions in college, recruiting at an agency in DC after college, and then eventually to my dream job in NYC).

I left that job I loved during Covid not because of the work load, but because I felt like I was failing as both an employee and as a mom. One day my neighbor saw us walking to the playground and she said “enjoy it while they still want to be with you” and that tore me up. I just knew in my heart that it would go so fast (and I can confirm, it’s going SO fast).

So I stayed home and as blessed as I was to be able to do it, it was a different kind of hard. I poured everything into our babies. I loved it more than words can describe, but every night I went to bed exhausted and I fell into a rut where I wasn’t taking care of me. If this is you right now, I see you. I promise it gets easier.

Three years in, once the kids started going to school, I started to think about what I wanted to do with a few hours of extra time. I always wanted to work again, but in a way that still allowed me to be present with the kids when they got home and I wasn’t sure of what could look like for me. Was anyone hiring for 4 hours a day??? Most of you probably know by now that I read Atomic Habits and decided (after 3 years of living in athleisure) to begin getting dressed again as a way to honor myself and to begin to take care of me again. Once I started sharing my journey, I realized how many of you were going through the same thing and I wanted to help.

Over the last three years, this little corner of the internet has turned into something much bigger than I ever could have dreamed. I love what I do so much and I’m so grateful that so many of you choose to follow along. What I didn’t expect was a pressure that started to creep in to be always on. It started with the algorithm (“post everyday or Instagram will kill your reach”), it evolved into not wanting to let all of you down (get over yourself Meg), but deep down I know it’s really an insecurity that makes me want to post every day. I truly feel like if I’m not producing, creating, building, or earning that I’m being lazy. That if I’m not moving forward, I’m moving backwards. What is that???

This mentality has led me to be “on” for almost three years now. There’s no corporate paid time off. It’s sharing what I’m wearing every single day. It’s documenting vacation so I can share bits and pieces with you. It’s working early and late so I can be present with my kids.

Let’s be 100% clear, I feel so blessed to live the life I am living and even though it sounds like I’m complaining, I don’t think this post is really about me. What pushed me to hit send is that I actually think most women feel this way in some way, shape or form.

And my hope for all of us is that we give ourselves permission to acknowledge the feelings, to give ourselves grace and a break when we need it…but the hope is that once we feel refreshed, we keep moving forward. I truly think the desire to keep evolving is one of our best human traits, but sometimes taking a step back helps us regain energy for the next thing to be excited about.

So here’s where I’m giving myself some permission to slow down this August:

• Permission to go away for a few days without my phone

• Permission to NOT GET DRESSED one day a week

• Permission to let the kids stay up later so we all can enjoy the extra sun

• Permission to have a glass of wine on a Friday night

• Permission to eat lunch outside

• Permission to go on a date with KCD

• Permission not to work at night (this one is particularly hard for me)

I think by leaning into these little acts of letting go, I’m going to be that much more energized come September.

If you’re feeling a little burnt out, I hope you’ll take some time for you this month. I’m not going anywhere, you just might see me a little less while I take some time to recharge and I hope that’s ok!

xx always, Meg